Break.

I was definitely looking for a bigger and better 2011.  I want to start on a clean slate so few days before year 2010 ends, I decided to greet and write long lost friends and try to make peace and say sorry to those I may have hurt.

I started by sending a private message in Facebook to a friend whom I had not been in contact for a year due to some misunderstanding. I said my New Year greeting and wished her the best. I didn’t get a reply back which is ok cos I never expected it anyway but at least I’ve done my part.

Last week, when I went to church I saw another former friend which is in the same circle as the first friend I mentioned. After the mass, I approached her and greeted her. We hugged each other inside the church, she said I am slimmer and look better now than the last time she saw me (obviously because during those times, we always have big eating day…I mean really BIG eating sessions!). I felt light after that brief encounter and had already forgotten what happened in the past.

Lastly, I wrote a letter just before New Year to someone who has been very special to me for many many years. Though we had not been talking for quite a long time (over a year)– since we have many common friends, I usually get news about her from them.

The last time I saw her was May last year when I went back home.  We had dinner and talked. Though the outcome was not as what I had expected, at the back of my mind there was still a little hope of making things better in the future..though I don’t know how long it will take for that future to happen, I still wished silently.

Then the letter…

I got a reply few days after. Upon reading it, I was sent back to the present. I realized I was already living in the future I wished for but it was not reality. The reality is that she decided to give herself a break, moved on with life…without me..

Everyone deserves to be happy…To choose the life they want…In my desire to have a positive outlook in life this year, I was able to encounter what I was trying to avoid. Truth hurts but I have to face it.

Sometimes when someone is broken, we have to experience it and be broken as well so we could piece ourselves together…I just hope I could find the magic glue for myself soon..

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